Mouse's Ear Memoirs: Eulogizing Ralph Browning

Throughout this series, I've spent a lot of time describing my peers in a negative manner. While I still dislike scabs, the focus should primarily be on powerful patriarchal figures who perpetuate and benefit from the oppressive system. Maybe I've failed in that regard, because I get so emotional about my fellow strippers letting me down. Maybe I focus on them too much, rather than our common oppressor. The Brownings were the worst, ugliest people from Mouse's Ear.

Ralph Browning died over a year ago now, when Mouse's Ear Memoirs was in full swing. For those who've been reading the site for a long time, you'll know that I thought it was hilarious when my former DJ, Larry Bell, killed himself. Centerfold owner Fred also died while I was suing him a few years ago. They say good things happen in threes, and Ralph dying during Mouse's Ear Memoirs tickles me to no end.

Stupid Bitch Alex Cave posted a nice little remembrance about Ralph Browning on her facebook. Several of Ralph's exploited, misclassified dancers “liked” posts that described him positively, and I'm pretty sure some of them attended his services last year. When scrolling through those posts last year, I kept thinking about emancipated slaves who chose to remain living with their former owners after the civil war ended. Surface-level, Ralph was a sweet little old man, but as we've covered already on this series, he was still a terrible person. I am happy he died. I hope Buddy, Conner, and Robbie die soon too. Stupid Bitch Alex Cave wrote something last year about how she thought Ralph deserved a much longer retirement after selling the club. Ralph was only in his early sixties, but he looked very feeble and unhealthy for his age. I thought I'd write a small eulogy about Ralph Browning, to counter Alex's facebook blurb. Here it goes:

Ralph Browning was an exploitative strip club owner who regularly sniffed cocaine. He purchased his cocaine with the time and money that he stole from countless exploited women on a nightly basis, over a period of decades. Ralph and his abusive brother Buddy owned Mouse's Ear in Knoxville, where they spent most of their waking hours making women get totally naked, not paying them an hourly wage, charging them to work, making them wear damaging footwear, and gas lighting those who stood up for themselves.

Ralph and Buddy rarely invested money in making the club a better place to work. Interior mold constantly irritated the sinuses of their workers, to the point that many of them developed asthma and other respiratory issues that will probably effect them for many years into the future. The carpet of Mouse's Ear was saturated with bacteria and germs, the fumes of which permeated throughout the building. Plumbing pipes burst open at Mouse's Ear from time to time, which caused feces filled water to rain down from the ceiling to the show floor. If Ralph and Buddy needed to close the club early because it was raining poop, they never gave the dancers a refund on their illegal house fees. Ralph didn't care, really. He only wanted everyone to like him in the short term, to avoid conflict. He acted like a nice old grandpa. He was the good cop in a dynamic that he and his brother created, to rob women of their time.

Ralph Browning was a time thief if there ever was one. His actions made it clear that he did not respect the precious time on Earth of vulnerable working women. He stole their hours. He stole their knee and hip cartilage. Ralph Browning stole house fees. Ralph Browning stole dance cuts. Ralph Browning stole Title VII protections and a right to a safe working environment. Ralph Browning made his employees give dances at 2-for-1 prices, and when DJ Chris Conner didn't like someone for standing up for themselves, Ralph Browning thought it was funny to steal even more from those individuals, by intentionally announcing 2-for-1 dances when those individuals were about to make a sale. Ralph Browning pretended like a right to unionize didn't exist. Ralph Browning degraded his workers with a soft smile on his face, so much that some of them called him a nice grandpa. Time Thief Ralph Browning was still evil though. He didn't deserve a retirement at all, not after stealing money from workers that could've been put into a pension for their retirements. Ralph Browning stole countless hours away from working mothers who would've spent more time with their families, if given a choice. Ralph Browning stole quality food and leisure time from women who were much less powerful than he was. Stupid Bitch Alex Cave was wrong when stating that Ralph deserved a longer retirement. Ralph didn't deserve a retirement at all. In fact, Ralph Browning should have died even earlier than he did. He was always on stolen time. Good riddance, Ralph Browning. I’m glad I had the pleasure to retrieve all that you stole from me right before you died, and I can only hope that my lawsuit contributed to your declining health.